


Bad Dreams

by Nugshavefeet



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Betrayal, Dreams, Hurt, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Trespasser, Spoilers, lavellan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 17:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7649554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nugshavefeet/pseuds/Nugshavefeet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amir Lavellan is struggling to come to terms after what happened during the events of Trespasser.  [Spoilers]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Dreams

Amir Lavellan scrambled for a hold, but the bridge collapsed around him, falling into the abyss below.

“No!” He shot his hand out, willing for the anchor to come alive and pull him away from the edge. Nothing happened. He glanced at his arm, but it only flashed green before slowly vanishing into the black sky. Amir blinked back the emotions running wild in his stomach. His arm...was gone. “W-wha....”

The building shook again, throwing rocks at Amir. He clamped his eyes shut, shielding them from the array of rubble. The bridge slipped from under his fingers and he slid towards the end. His nails snapped from underneath his glove as he clawed against the bricks. But it was no use, he was going over. He let out a cry as he felt himself topple over.

  
A large hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. Amir let out an 'oof' sound as his body jerked, his arm tingling from the sudden pain at his shoulder. He winced before looking up at the person who had saved him. Two large horns emerged from the smoke. As it lifted, it revealed a large Qunari. Amir let out a sigh of relief as he dangled in his friend's grip.

  
“Bull, I've never been happier to see you,” he said as his heart finally stopped beating in his ears. “I owe you a drink.” He smiled up at The Iron Bull, but that soon fell as the warrior looked on without a smile or grunt.

“Bull, as much as I like the view, I would rather it be with my feet on the ground,” Amir chuckled lightly as he looked up at him. Iron Bull stared back, but his gaze was neutral. He stood up from his hovering position, hauling the Inquisitor up with him, who was still dangling over the edge of the bridge. “Bull...” Amir said, hesitant.

  
“Nothing personal, Bas.” The Iron Bull's grip loosened. Amir gasped as he latched onto the warrior's arm, his nail-less fingers biting into grey flesh.

“Bull! What are you doing?” He yelled, his dark eyes desperately looking for any shred of humanity in Bull. Demons, blood magic, something had to be the answer for his actions. Years of training, fighting and drinking together was quickly ebbed away and left Amir with the image of Bull's indifferent look in his eye. “Bull...” He felt Bull's fingers slip away from his wrist. His eyes widened as he felt the air gobble him up. The wind stole his scream and replaced it with the sound of a wolf's howl. He looked down and saw the gaping green jaws of a giant wolf. _Fen'harel._

  
O.O.O.O.

  
Amir lurched awake, tangled in soaked bed sheets. His breathing caught in his throat, leaving him winded, coughing. His thick, black hair was plastered to his tanned skin, covering his eyes like vines on ancient temples. His heart echoed inside his chest, pulsing around the room, deafening the sounds of Skyhold's bitter wind.

Once he was under control of his breathing he searched for the Qunari, waiting to see his silhouette in the darkness of his room. He was met by emptiness, and sagged back against his bed behind him. Sometime in the night he had fallen out of bed. He ran a hand over his face, pinching the bridge between his eyes.

  
_A dream. It was all a dream._

  
This was the second one that night, and he had lost count of how many since the end of The Exalted Council. They weren't always the same, but they did leave Amir gasping for air and soaked through his pyjamas.

  
When Dorian was still in Skyhold, he would wake him before the dreams got too real. But he had sent him off to Tevinter. Amir wasn't going to keep Dorian away from his home, away from what he had set out to do. Even if that meant he missed him dearly. He pulled himself up onto the mattress, letting the bed sheets pool around his ankles. He slid a hand over Dorian's side of the bed, hoping to feel warmth and pretend that he was only fetching something to drink. The pair spent many nights sharing toasts for any old occasion. The first time they had sex was an excellent reason according to Dorian.

  
But alas, Dorian had left for home. Just like he had always planned. Always wanted.

  
Amir had also thought of following that plan. Return to Clan Lavellan, take his brother with him and return to the life he used to have with their mother. However, he knew that chance had passed. The mark had changed everything. Not that he ever felt that he belonged. Being born outside of the clan, and originating as a city elf made him stand out from the others.

  
Anyway, he knew he could never drag his brother away from the life or friends he had now. A merry band of do-gooders that helped those in need across Thedas. It filled Amir with pride that his little brother had managed to find his own destiny, even after their past. Their mother was proud, of course. Amir wished to join her in the clan; it would be like old times. But he couldn't let his ghosts be hers. She had sacrificed so much for them; he couldn't trouble her with his problems or endanger her and the clan.

Skyhold was his home. Though, what made it home was gone. Most of his friends had left, returning to their lives as best as they could or carving out new ones. Cassandra was still in operation, but her life had divided her time helping rebuild the Seekers. When she returned, he was almost her shadow, following her, trying to regain past days. She knew and helped as best as she could, but there were always limits. Companionship was low with the Inquisition being smaller. It was almost dull without the bright, vibrancy of his friends.

  
Amir felt something stir in the corner of his room. It was an instinct he had picked up after a certain friend joined his army. The scarecrow that appeared from nowhere to chase away the pain.

“Cole.” He wiped away at the tears. “What are you doing here?” He gave a small side glance at the boy.

  
“I felt your hurt,” Cole said, lingering at the corner of the room.

  
“...Ah, you did.” He rubbed at the stump, drawing it closer to him. “I'm fine, Cole. Just a bad dream.” He stood from his bed and took a second to collect himself. His legs wobbled, but he stayed upright. He made his way over to the former spirit and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Cole. I didn't even know you were in Skyhold.”

  
“I felt your hurt from far away. It was loud.” His voice was soft, but it held a tone of pain to it. “I want to help.” Amir stood there with his hand placed on his shoulder and shook his head.

  
“It was only a dream. A...bad one, but it can't hurt me,” the elf said, patting Cole on the back gently. He knew he was only trying to help. Only trying to do what Cole did best. Soothe and calm those who were in pain. Amir had seen him do it plenty of times to those they encountered on the road, but he never thought of himself needing Cole's gentle touch. He wondered if Cole had ever helped him in the past and didn't say a word. It seemed like something he would do, especially before he learnt of privacy.

“But it does hurt you,” he protested. Amir was sure that he was frowning under that big hat of his. “He comes towards you, hammer ready, the wolf howls and your arm is gone, friends vanish and you're alone.”

“C-cole.” Amir gulped down a hard breath stuck in his throat. He closed his eyes and retreated away from the boy. He backed up until his calves hit the side of the bed. He sat himself down and hung his head, burying it into his hands. They were only words, but they held so much pain and grief; it shook Amir to his core. He felt naked and defenceless against them. Doubt lingered inside his mind, eating logic like a parasite. Cole brought his fears to the surface, like buoys that refused to sink. He felt compelled to face them.

  
“I've made mistakes. I'm not perfect, but I think I've done some good in this world.” His voice was muffled by his hands, but they kept the tears at bay. He didn't move them. “...I...never thought that any of those mistakes would make those I counted on as friends betray me.” He choked, his voice quivering. “...I understand why Solas left...I don't agree with what he wants to do and I want to change his mind, but I keep seeing Fen'harel chasing me.” A shiver crawled up his spine.

“The wolf is not bad. He wants to help.” Cole reached closer, standing at the foot of the bed. Amir looked up, his eyes red and his cheeks damp. “Just like I want to help.”

“Solas is trying to help me? Through my dreams?” Amir had heard many crazed tales since becoming Inquisitor, but this one stuck out like blood on daisies. Though, the more he thought about it, the more his dreams were making sense. The wolf was there when something terrible was happening, its mouth open and wide, teeth bared, but not once did he bite. Maybe Cole was right.

“...The Iron Bull, he hurt you. It is dark inside of you. The hate, it grows with muddled thoughts.” The name caused pain in Amir's chest. It once brought a feeling of brash enjoyment.

  
“...I thought he was my friend. We shared so many adventures together...I never thought he would try to kill me.” Amir pushed back the tears. “Was he ever one of us?” He buried his face into his palms. It hurt more than when Blackwall announced who he was, more than when Solas vanished into the night only to reveal his true nature, more than Dorian leaving for Tevinter. It was a blow that knocked him to his knees, one he knew would take years to make fade.

“I can make you forget,” Cole said, softly.

“No. I need to remember this. I need to learn from this. That not everyone I meet wears their hearts on their sleeves.”

“...It wasn't your fault. You are kind and see good in all. You saw good in me. Made me human. Made me, me.” Cole's voice sounded like wind gently blowing on wind chimes.

Amir reached out and took his baggy sleeve, drawing the boy closer until he embraced him. He buried his head into the loose jacket and wept silently.

“Does this help? The leaking?”

“The le-crying? I'm not sure, but thank you for being here, Cole. I-uh needed to talk more than I realised.” Amir's voice was thick and his lashes wet as he pulled away from the hug. He wiped at his face before letting himself breathe for a second. “Uh, sorry, Cole.”

“I helped. There is a light again.”

“You did, but I think I can take it from here.” Amir braved a smile. It was closed, but it stretched across his face lightly. Cole shook his head.

“I can help more.” He tapped the pillow until the elf lay down, bewildered. He felt strange at the notion of Cole 'tucking him in'. The former spirit was like a younger brother to the Inquisitor. It brought him happiness, especially during the times when he missed his mother and brother dearly. He settled into the bed as Cole brought a new sheet from the closet. Amir pulled it up to his chin and nuzzled onto his side.

“So much has changed, but Varric says change is good. We are still close. You are not alone.” Cole's hat was lifted just enough for Lavellan to see his eyes boring into his. Then as Amir blinked, Cole was gone.

  
He waited until he was sure Cole had left, before he relaxed into the mattress. Cole was right, he did feel something inside him stir. It was small. Like a lone star at night, but it was there and it glowed against the darkness. Though, it was still pitch black, and the star was still alone. It needed more light.

  
Amir reached for the pendant around his neck. It was late, almost time for the day to begin again, but he had to speak to him. He held it close in his hands and raised it to his lips.

“Dorian?” The crystal glowed dimly in his palm, casting a faint light around his room. He waited; listening to the soft crackling sounds the crystal made.

“Amatus?” A groggy voice peaked from the other side.

“Hi...” Amir lost the words as soon as they reached the tip of his tongue.

“Hi to you too, but you do know that some people need their beauty sleep.” Despite everything, Dorian's voice filled all the cracks in his mind. It soothed him more than anything else could.

“I just needed to hear your voice.” It sounded like something from Varric's sappy novels, but it was true. “...Please, just tell me about your day.”

There was silence. Amir knew that Dorian wanted more information. Wanted to know why he was calling at such a late hour. He knew there was something wrong.

“I want to know all the details in the morning, but for now, I'm delightfully yours for the night, Amatus.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to those who finished reading this. 
> 
> [SPOILERS]
> 
> This is my first fan-fiction since I stopped writing them about 6 years ago. It's been a very long time for me. Though, I couldn't pass up the chance when this idea popped into my head after finishing Trespasser. Iron Bull's betrayal was a massive shock to both me and Amir. So I just had to write a little something about Amir after the events of Trespasser.
> 
> If you see any mistakes or have any critiques for me just shoot me with a message. 
> 
> I also have a Tumblr. http://nugshavefeet.tumblr.com/  
> You can also see what Amir Lavellan looks like: http://nugshavefeet.tumblr.com/post/148249395657#notes
> 
> I was inspired to actually write my fic by writer 'Dramasweety'. Their work is awesome! Go check it out.  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/dramasweety/pseuds/dramasweety


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